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User:Milbury

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Milbury
Portrayed by Milbury
First appearance Dying of the Light
In-story stats
Known ability Original ability:
David's ability
Known Secondary Abilities:
Persuasion
Lie detection
Puppet master
Aliases Milbury, SAS (Smart-Ass Suit)
Nickname Real name currently unknown
Gender
Age Early 20s
Date of birth Mid 1980s
Home Phallus Palace
Occupation Tax Consultant
Insurance salesman
All-around evildoer
Significant other Unrevealed
Parents Names unrevealed, both deceased
Sibling None known

The individual known only as 'Milbury' is a manipulative bastard who meddles in the lives of the Heroes, delighting in bringing them misery for the lulz. And for some delicious cheesecake.

Character History

Milbury, also known by the secondary alias of SAS due to his lurking and his snide remarks, appears to be upper middle management in a mysterious organization known only as... 'The Organization'. He works closely with SLW, famously telling her in the last meeting of the Evil Council, "Geez lady, stop in Rio while you're down there, plastic surgery is dirt cheap!" Unfortunately, SLW returned with her face as hideous as ever, but Milbury was undeterred. After a few calls to such close friends as Rod Blagojevich and Bernard Madoff (known in The Organization as 'ROB' and 'BUM' respectively), Milbury began setting into motion the next phase of his evil agenda.

Luring The Company's founders to Woodstock with promises of porn and drugs, Milbury began setting into motion a complex eugenics program, working closely with a young Martha Stewart. One of the founders, Richard Drucker, got squeamish over Milbury's persistent attempts to coerce him into mating with Victoria Pratt, as his true love had always been Charles Deveaux.
In retribution, Milbury announced that Drucker was a pedophile, and he was expelled from the Founder's Club. Even to this day, the other founders never speak of him by name, referring to him simply as 'The Fallen One'. For his part, Drucker took a page from Michael Jackson's book and moved overseas to Bhutan, where child exploitation laws are much less strict.

Unfortunately, Milbury was getting more and more creepy, and after being caught peeping on Adam Monroe several times and orchestrating an ill-advised experiment involving Arthur Petrelli, Daniel Linderman, and a vat of rabid furries, the Founders turned on Milbury. Milbury employed a little-known secondary ability, Lubricity, to literally slip out of the Company's grip. From that day on, the only voyeur left in the Company was ever-trusty Bob.

Since that time, Milbury has continued his campaign of darkness. He proudly claims credit for the Zimmerman triplets, saying "Damn, just think how many fanboys threw their heads into blenders over that one!" He is believed to be using his Persuasion to spin Sylar into a never-ending Heel Face Revolving Door, and perhaps most insidiously, has foiled several attempts on the life of Maya Herrera. Why did he do it? For the lulz, of course.

Milbury is believed to be headquarted in the Frozen Wastelands, furthering his sinister agenda from a terrible dark tower known only as the Phallus Palace.

Bizarro Milbury

Recently Milbury chose to pit his formidable snarkery against the relentless logic of Intuitive Empath. The resulting clash of logical and illogical forces tore a rip in the very fabric of the wiki itself, causing a portal to form between the wiki and a damned, forsaken place known only as... The Banned Zone. From the Banned Zone emerged a number of shadowy Bantoms, one of whom chose to take on the form of Milbury. This pale impostor, known firstly as Ten but later known as Bizarro Milbury replicated Milbury's snarkery but none of his elegance. This impostor avoided the gaze of the original, perhaps knowing that to meet him would only result in his undoing. Instead, Bizarro Milbury attempted to rally an army of snarkers against his longtime nemesis, Ryan Gibson Stewart. Sadly for Bizarro Milbury, his dreams of conquest came to an abrupt end when he was smitten with the instrument of his original undoing, the Banhammer.

Bizarro Milbury did at least one thing right: he managed to avoid falling in love with Lana Lang

Evolved Human Abilities

Milbury possesses a vaguely defined set of abilities, though his original power is quite anticlimatic. It is believed that Milbury's abilities originate from some currently-unrevealed type of Phlebotonium. When questioned about the source of his abilities, Milbury persuaded the census taker to eat his own liver. After making him watch all thirteen Volume Three episodes in a single sitting. Milbury's one sick puppy.

Bob once referred to him as one of the five most skilled snarkers that he knew of.

Milbury is known to conduct business with Halliburton.

Memorable Quotes

"I'm the wrench in the works. The fly in the ointment. The piss in your cheerios."

- Milbury (to Richard Drucker)


"You are aware that you have two large caterpillars crawling on your forehead, right?"

- Milbury (to Sylar)


"And I would have gotten away with it too if it hadn't been for those meddling kids!"

- Milbury, about his latest scheme


"I mean, c'mon, what was he thinking?'"

- Milbury, about Thrashmeister's unfortunate name


"Who's laughing now, bitch?!'"

- Thrashmeister, showing Milbury just why he is called the Thrashmeister


"Oh shit, I think I'm becoming a god."

- Milbury, last words


"I think we've got another troll on our hands, boys..."
"Awww, yeah."
"Zug zug."

- Thrashmeister, Intuitive Empath, and Serojay, about Milbury


"Some of your memorable quotes are hysterical ."

- Ryan, about Milbury


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